All Of The Things That Would Never Happen!
by Kitaro-sama
Summary: What happens when you say Hermione's name wrong? What is Malfoy's worst nightmare? What would be the worst day ever for Ron? All this and more inside! More to add soon!
1. Intro

Kanichiwa, and thank you for taking the time to read this fanfic! This is my first fanfic that will have chapters in it! Don't get use to it though. I don't plan on doing chapters unless I have a really good topic. If I write my very own creation I'll put chapters in it, but that's a whole nother story!   
This fanfic is a Harry Potter fanfic. It will have everybody's worst fears, nightmares, or just some really weird things that happens to them. You may have read my first edition to this fanfic, "How To Say My Name." Well, that fanfic will be in here. I will be putting each chapter separate too, so you won't have to go trough the hassle of skipping chapters just to get to the one fanfic that you want to read. Aren't I nice!?!?! So, if you see one of the chapters out hangin' around, it's OK! I want it that way because I am a nice person! OK?  
Now, just for the sake of time and computer data, I just want to say that I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER!!!!! (I wish I did though.) INFACT, I DON'T EVEN OWN THIS WEB SITE!!!!!!! BUT THE PEOPLE THAT DO ARE VERY NICE AND ALLOW ME TO PUT MY STORIES ON IT!!!!!!! SO THANK YOU TO THEM!!!! AND, I DON'T EVEN OWN A DECENT BRAIN!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!  
Well, that about raps it up! I hope you enjoy my first chapter fanfic! AND YOU BETTER OR ELSE I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!! ( breath Washu, breath!) P.S. Most of these will turn out to be dreams or something. Hey! I'd like to see you do any better! Well, enjoy. Sianara! * =(:"k)  
  
  
  
  



	2. How To Say My Name

~ This fanfic is to show everyone how to say Hermione's name. It is getting very tiring with people pronouncing it like Her-Mee-One or Hear-ner-ony. It's getting really annoying and I'm tired of it! So this is proof and my opinion on how to say her name. Her name is pronounced as Her-My-Oh-Nee. And if you do not believe me, look on page 419 in the Yule Ball chapter of the 4th book. Thank You.~  
  
Hermione walked down the stairs to the great hall for breakfast one morning. "Good morning Hermyone!" called some of the students to her. "What?" Hermione was confused, why had those kids pronounced her name that way? "Hmmmm," she said, but then figured it was a joke and walked off to the great hall.   
Hermione sat down next to Harry and Ron, who both were already eating some porridge. "The weirdest thing just happened. I was walking down the stairs and someone called me Hermyone." She grabbed a slice of toast. Ron looked at her with a confused look on his face. "That's strange. That's not how you say your name," said Ron. "Yeah," said Harry," We all know you say it like Hermyneh." Hermione dropped her toast and looked at Harry. "What are you talking about Harry?" she asked. "Yeah Harry, you've lost it. We all know you say her name like Hermioneh," said Ron. He looked back at Hermione.  
Her jaw was dropped. "If this is some kind of joke, it's not funny," said Hermione. She was starting to get annoyed. Harry and Ron looked at each other. "Er.... what are you talking about Hermioneh, me and Harry aren't joking around." "LOOK!" she roared," This isn't funny! Just stop it! Stop it!" Harry and Ron looked at each other again, confused. "Stop what Hermyneh?" "STOP THAT! STOP IT HARRY! IT ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE!" Hermione was really mad now. She had an abnormally large vein sticking out of her forehead. "Look," said Ron," are you mad cause you couldn't find a certain book in the library?" "OOOOOOH! YOU TWO ARE SO IMPOSSIBLE!" she screamed and she stood up and stomped out of the great hall. "Hermyone, wait!"   
**********  
Hermione sat in the Gryffindor common room reading her book on magical herbs when Fred and George came in and walked by. "What's up Hermynee," said Fred. "What's shaken Hermyny," asked George. Hermione gave them a glance and then went back to her reading. Then Parvati came in with two of her friends. "Hey Hermini," said one of the girls. Once again Hermione gave them a rude glance and returned to her reading. Then Harry and Ron entered and walked up to her. Harry opened his mouth to say something but Hermione but in.  
"OK, I see what your doing. Your getting everyone else to join in on the prank. Well, this isn't funny anymore! It's getting old!" Harry and Ron looked confused. "Er..... what joke are you talking about? If we've offended you in any way please tell us!" said Harry. Hermione kept getting even more and more angry. "I'm not stupid Harry! I know what your doing! Don't play dumb!" "Hermyony, we're not playing a joke on you or anything! What are you so mad about!" asked Harry. "You know exactly what I'm talking about! You keep pronouncing my name wrong! It's getting old and tiring!"   
She was looking even more angry now."Hermionew, we're not saying your name wrong! We're saying it how it's suppose to be said!" "OH NO YOUR NOT RON! IT'S PRONOUNCED AS HER-MY-OH-NEE! CAN YOU GET THAT TROUGH THAT THICK HEAD OF YOURS!" Now she was getting scary. She was blood red in the face and was breathing hard, and that vein in her head was back.   
She jumped on top of the table and took out her wand. She was going mad! "Ron, she's gonna CRACK! We've gotta get out of here!" "LISTEN UP EVERYONE!" She started to yell to everyone in the common room. "I'VE HAD ENOUGH WITH EVERYONE SAYING MY NAME WRONG! I'M TIRED OF IT! IF I HEAR ONE MORE PERSON CALL ME SOMETHING ELSE BESIDES MY REAL NAME......" she pointed her wand in the air and called out "ACCIO HEDWIG". Hedwig came flying trough the window next to her. She caught Hedwig and held her wand up to her head. Hedwig was very confused and scared. "HEDWIG WILL GET IT!" "NOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Harry. She was going to kill Harry's owl, and it looked like she meant it too. "I'LL DO IT! I'LL DO IT!" she screamed. The the portrait hole opened up and Professor McGonagall came in. "Ms. Hermyone Granger! You put down that owl now!" she said. But it was too late! Hermione opened her mouth and said "Avada Kedavra". There was a bright flash of green light filled the room. Hedwig fell to the ground and didn't move. All was quiet for a long while. Harry stood there looking at his dead owl. "YOU BITCH!" he yelled. He stood there breathing hard and staring at Hermione. She was laughing in an evil manner.   
Neville broke the silence. "Hermyni, you killed....." "Avada Kedavra!" she called again. This time it hit Neville. Once again there was the flash of green light, and Neville hit the floor. ""HERMYONE'S GONE MAD!" cried Dean Thomas and Lavender Brown. They both ran for the portrait hole, but once again Hermione used the curse and they both fell to the floor. "Hermioneh!" screamed Professor McGonagall," you just used one of the unforgivable curses!" Hermione turned in Professor McGonagall's direction . "Avada Kedavra!" The beam hit her and she to was dead. Hermione was still laughing insanely. She kept looking at everyone in the common room, as if looking for the next victim. It was mad. She was mad! Harry and Ron didn't know what to do. "Hermiony," said Seamus," why don't you just...." But before he could finish she had hit him with the curse too. Everyone was in a panic now. Fred was in the corner crying," I want mom, I want mom." George was just standing there stupefied.   
"SHUTUP YOU CRY BABY!" And she shot the curse at Fred. "NOOOOOO!!" yelled George. He tried to jump in front of Fred but didn't make it. The blast hit both of them and they fell to the ground. Ron broke out into tears. "No! Hermiony how could you! DAMN YOU HERMEEONE!" She turned around. She had a look in her eye, a look Harry had seen before when Voldemort tried to kill him. "How dare you say that to me!!!" She lifted her wand into the air. "Run for it Ron, RUN!!!" He pushed Ron away and Ron started to run. He was heading for the portrait hole, running at top speed, but it was too late. "Avada Kedavra!" And Ron was dead.  
Harry was standing there looking down at his deceased friend. He was mad. He was irritated. He was annoyed. He was pissed off! Hermione had killed all of his friends. She had killed his teacher. She had killed his owl. She had even killed his best friend. Harry was blinded by his anger and pulled out his wand. He charged at Hermione with his wand pointed to her. "YOU KILLED MY BEST FRIEND! NOW YOU'LL DIE!!!!" "BRING IT ON POTTER!!!!" She pointed her wand at him. Then they both called the curse. "Avada Kedavra!" "Avada Kedavra!" There was a great flash of light and.......  
"NO!" Hermione sat up in bed, breathing hard and sweating. "Oh, it was just a dream. Just a bad dream."  
*********  
Hermione walked down the stairs to breakfast later that morning, thinking about the dream that she had had. "What a strange dream. But it seemed so real." She shrugged her shoulders and went into the great hall. Lavender Brown and Neville Longbottom walked by. "Good morning Hermyone." She stopped and watched them walk away. She stood there. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" * =(:"K)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Ron vs. The Spiders

Ron walked into the Great Hall and sat down next to Harry. He and Hermione were already eating their breakfast. Ron grabbed a bowl of oatmeal and started eating. "So Ron, did you sleep well?" asked Harry. "Yeah." Ron scooped a spoon full of oatmeal into his mouth. "YUCK!" He spit it back into his bowl, and in it was a little black spider swimming around in his oatmeal. "NASTY! YUCK! GROSS!" yelled Ron and he ran out of the Great Hall and towards the bathroom. "Ewwwwwwwww, what was that doing in there?" said Hermione. "I don't know. It probably just fell in." said Harry.  
Meanwhile in the bathroom, Ron was kneeling over a toilet, trying to cough up his breakfast. "Ron? Are you OK?" Harry had came in and was standing behind Ron. "NO! I'M NOT! * hack hack * I JUST ATE SPIDER INFESTED OATMEAL!!!!!!!" Ron started coughing again. "I think you'll be OK Ron. Your not going to die." "YES I AM!" "Ron get up. Your going to hurt yourself." Harry grabbed Ron by the arm and pulled him to his feet. "Ron, we're going to be late for our first class, we better get going." "OK," said Ron and they both made their way to the door.   
"Hey Harry! Ron!" Neville was standing outside of the bathroom door. He was holding a giant box in his hands. "What's that?" asked Ron looking closely at the box. "Oh, well you know how I kept loosing my frog?" "Yeah," replied Harry. "Well, I decided to try something new instead." Neville opened the box, and inside was a giant tarantula. "AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Ron ran back into the bathroom. Harry dropped his head and gave a big sigh. The next moment they heard Ron throwing up.  
"Your Late Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley!" scolded Professor Sprout as they came into the greenhouse for Herbology. Harry and Ron took a seat next to Hermione. "Today, we will be replanting some Mandrakes. So, put on your gloves and get to work!" And Professor Sprout turned and started passing out the Mandrakes. Ron started to loosen the soil to his when a tiny brown spider crawled out onto a leaf. He passed out. "Ron! Are you OK? Ron, wake up!" Hermione was shaking Ron very hard. Ron sat up. "Sp sp sp spi spi spider!" he stuttered. The little spider crawled down the stem a disappeared into the soil. Ron passed out on top of Hermione. "Help me! I can't breath!"   
"Don't worry Ron. I'm sure our next class will be much better," explained Harry as they walked across the lawn to Hagrid's cabin. They sat down and watched as Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle coming. They sat on the other side of the group. "This week I have som' tin special! Wer' gonna observe som vry special cre'atures. The Quintaped! Also nown as the Hairy Macboon." Malfoy didn't look very pleased. Infact, none of the students did. Ron was looking a bit nervous though. He was probably thinking it would be another spider.   
Hagrid walked over behind the cabin and brought back a giant box. He pulled on his dragon hide gloves, opened the top of the box, and pulled out a strange creature. It had a low slung body that was covered in thick reddish - brown hair. It had five legs, each ending in a club foot. It look like a giant, "SPIDER!!!!" Ron screamed. Once again he hit the ground.   
"Ron? Ron? Can you hear us Ron?" Ron was now in the Hospital Wing. He opened his eyes and saw Harry and Hermione standing above his bed. "What happened?" he asked. "Oh," said Hermione. "You just passed out in the middle of class again." Ron looked over at Harry. "Yep, you saw that thing and then BAM! You hit the ground." "Oh. What time is it?" he asked. Harry looked up at the clock. "It's about dinner time. You missed all of your class." Ron got out of bed and left with Harry and Hermione.   
They all walked down to the Great Hall for dinner. On their way they met Malfoy. "Oh no! It's an itty bitty spider! I think I better pass out now!" They passed Malfoy and sat down. They dished some food onto their plates and started eating. Ron looked around the table, looking for You - Know - What! Goyle walked by the Gryfinndor table, and as he did he whispered into Ron's ear "Spider!" "WHERE! WHERE IS IT! KILL IT KILL IT!!!" "Ron! It's OK! It was just Goyle trying to scare you," explained Hermione. "I guess it worked too," said Harry. "What are you saying Harry?" asked Ron. "That you like that I keep passing out!?! Or is it because you think it's all just a big joke!!!" "No! I Didn't Say That!" said Harry. "Yes You Did! OH Yes You Did!" said Ron as e scooped a spoon full of potatoes. He faced Harry, put his finger on them, and pulled back. SPLAT! Right in between the eyes! Fred and George stood up. "FOOD FIGHT!!!!"   
**********  
After the food fight Ron climbed the stairs up to his bed. He pulled on his pajamas and sat down on his bed. He was about ready to climb into bed when Neville came running through the door. He was sweating and panting very hard. "What's wrong Neville?" asked Ron. Neville didn't say anything. He pulled out an inhaler and said, "It's it's. It's Fluffy! He's got out of his box!" Ron looked worried. "You mean that giant spider you had before?" "Yes! He's Missing!" Ron looked at the ceiling and passed out onto his bed. Nevill just stood there. A moment later he turned and ran back down the stairs to the Gryfinndor Common Room. * =(:"k)   
  
  
  
  



	4. Malfoy's Dream

After a hard day of teasing Harry, mocking Ron, and making fun of Hermione, Malfoy walked up to the Slytherin bedroom. He pulled on his pajamas and crawled into his bed. As he laid there thinking about how to pull the perfect prank on Harry tomorrow, he gradually became drowsy. Soon enough he was fast asleep.  
  
"Malfoy. Malfoy. Malfoy! You have been naughty again. I'm coming to punish you Malfoy!" "What? Who are you? Leave me alone! What do you want!?!" "Oh, lets just say you made a really cute ferret!" "NO! Leave me alone!" Malfoy started running from the voice. He knew who it was and didn't plan on becoming a pet ferret. He ran but he didn't know where. He wasn't running anywhere. He was in a dark place, everything was black, no walls, no floors. He ran and ran from the voice, but a dark figure appeared in front of him. "Don't run Malfoy, you were such a cute ferret," said the voice. Malfoy turned and ran the other way, but the figure appeared in front of him again. He ran the other way, but once again the figure appeared in front of him. "Leave me alone! Or else!" "Or else what Malfoy? You can't do much when your a ferret!" He started running again.   
Now he was in a grave yard, but it was still very dark. Ghostly green eyes were looking at him trough the trees. Eerie sounds were coming from all around him. He slowed a bit, he hadn't heard the voice since he came to the grave yard.  
"Ha! I knew it! That guy was just a big, WHOA!" Malfoy stumbled over a tomb stone. "Awwwwwwww, did my poor little pet trip." "Go away! Leave me alone!" The figure walked into the light. It was Mad Eye Moody. He lifted his wand. "No! Go away! What did I do!?! Leave Me Alone!" Moody chanted a few words and a spell shot at Malfoy.   
Malfoy had been changed into a little white ferret. "GO AWAY!" He started running in the other direction and ran into another figure. It was Harry, standing at a hundred feet tall! "Oh, is poor little Malfoy scared?" Malfoy turned but saw Ron and Hermoine also standing with Harry. "Awwwwwww, isn't he cute Ron?" asked Hermione. "Yeah. I think I'll take him to my brothers, they'll probably use him for Buldger practice," said Ron, and he reached down for Malfoy and picked him up in his enormous hand.   
"GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE!" "No! I think we'll have a little fun with you first," said Harry. He took Malfoy and put him in a giant hamster wheel. "Better start running Malfoy," said Hermione. Malfoy started running. He didn't know why, but he just kept running, running, running! Then he started bouncing. Bouncing. "Hahahahahahaha! This is what you get for treating Harry so badly!" said Moody. He pointed his wand at Malfoy and he started bouncing even higher. 10 feet, 15, 20, 30! Then he bounced so high he started falling into blackness! Swirling so fast he thought he would hurl! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"   
Malfoy opened his eyes. Standing right above him was Crabbe and Goyle, staring down at him. "Are you OK Malfoy?" asked Crabbe. Malfoy sat up and wiped the sweat off his head. "Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking about how we could trick Potter tomorrow." "Are you sure?" asked Goyle, "because you were," "YES I'M SURE! WHAT YOU THINK I WAS DOING! HAVING A BAD DREAM! GET OUT OF MY SITE YOU TWO IDIOTS!" Crabbe and Goyle went back to bed and Malfoy laid back down. "Maybe that dream meant something, like I should be nicer to Potter............................. YEAH RIGHT!" He turned on his side and fell back asleep. * =(:"k)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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